Contentment
June 13th 2ish p.m.

Emily's question of the day:

Is contentment possible?

I'm beginning to think not. I'm never completely happy. Even on days when I can't stop smiling, because I am so giddy, I can always come up with some little thing that makes me sad. Even when I'm winning 13 awards at senior assembly, I am thinking, "Why didn't I get more?" Even when I get 3200 in scholarships, I'm thinking "Why does Megan always do better than I do?" I'm a selfish little thing. I look at my transcripts from high school with a pang in my gut, because I think I shouldn't have gotten any Bs, let alone Cs! How dare I not be perfect?

It's not just a perfection complex though. It's also attention. I have moments of supreme happiness in thinking that I have such a fabulous group of friends. But then, I think...damn! I bet so-and-so likes so-and-so more than me! I begin to wish I had someone who only paid attention to me. I wish I had a significant other, and that I had more money, that I was thin and beautiful etc etc etc.

So, my question is this: Is this just a teenage thing? Is it possible that I may be content at some point? My parents certainly aren't. Or is it human nature that we just can't be content. My opinion is the latter. Or, as Fred Nutter would say on channel 6 "That's our opinion, we welcome yours!"