Too Young
June Seventeenth 3:30 in the afternoon

Aside from the fact that I feel as though I have put on about 10 pounds in 3 days, I'm feeling...well, still not great. I'm pleased that this week is going to be eventful. I enjoy eventfulness. Boy, I'm a repetitive little sucker, aren't I? But there is still some sort of ickiness that seems to continue looming over me.

This weight thing though...how does this work? I have not been eating very much lately because it seems as though everytime I do eat, I become incredibly nauseous. Yet, the pants that I wore earlier this week are suddenly waaay tight, and no, I didn't put them in the dryer. It's more than the pants. I am becoming fatter. What is with this? I am doing nothing different! I think it's a punishment for not being as motivated and active as people that I am constantly surrounded by. Or perhaps, I have become pregnant by some kind of immaculate conception, no, not even thinking about that. That's far too awful for words.

"All my girls at the party, look at that body..." Yes, I admit it, I am listening to Janet Jackson. I like it. It reminds me of prom, very dance-y. Oooooh, that reminds me! Next Sunday at the Tunnel is chem-free teen night! WHEW HOOO! and it's summer, we are totally there! (ouch, could I sound an more like a cookie cutter?) I swear, sometimes I wish I hadn't gone to school so early. Had I started school at the age of 5, like everyone else, i'd be in the same class as most of my friends, Floyd would be my advisor, I'd have gotten my license as a sophomre, I'd have been in a less competitive class academically, and a better one as far as attitude is concerned, I'd have been able to go to dance clubs my senior year, etc etc. But no. Instead, I am here, all grown up, graduated from high school (no, I don't really believe I am grown up) and I can't even vote. Yeah, I'm sulky.

Do you ever hear songs that are obviously from a certain time period, and immediatly begin to feel all warm and good? Happens to me all the time. There are certain songs that just scream last summer. Last summer, by the way, was fabulous. When I hear songs like "Faded" or "Wonderful," or "Tonight and the rest of my Life," or "Jumpin' Jumpin'" (I know there are more) it just brings all these good, familiar feelings back. I like to be reminded of the past, even if it wasn't terribly good, usually, because of the familiarity. It's a period that I am comfortable with. I know it inside and out, and there's nothing to fear.

I finished a book last night. It was an excellent book. It's called "Lying on the Couch" by Irvin Yalom.

Well, in an hour, I have to go back to work. I must just keep telling myself: "Money is good, I need money, college is expensive, money is necessary, must develop a good work ethic, this is good for me, work is good, money is good etc etc"