Repercussions
July 17 5:39 p.m. - wow

So, something has just occurred to me. I'm not sure how I'm going to handle college. What an awful though to have with less than 60 days before I move in. But yet, I am having it. I just got home from Bethel. What was supposed to be a wonderful experience was mildly tempestuous. Yes, I was with Linda, yes, we both hung out with Maggie, no, I didn't wake up sick, no, nothing bad happened...but yesterday ended up being a lot to deal with for me. And in the end, I am irritable and sick of being with people, and of not having my own place to come back to where I can do whatever I please. Isn't that pretty much how college isn't? I won't exactly be able to get away from everyone and come down to the computer room, expecting nobody to bother me. Granted, as I said, yesterday was a little rough for me emotionally, and I suppose I could make that into a highly plausible excuse if I wanted to.

Either way, right now I feel icky. I don't want to be doing ANYTHING. I don't want to see or talk to anyone. I don't want to be alone. I don't want to be online, I don't want to write, I don't want to read, I don't want to be listening to music, I don't want to be in silence, I don't want to work tomorrow, I don't want to stay home all day tomorrow, I don't want to do anything really...

I'm tired. My digestive system hates me. I feel dirty and immoral. I feel let down, lied to, manipulated. I feel disappointed. I feel jealous and angry. I feel censored. That's the problem with an online diary. I can't not censor it sometimes. I'd love to tell everyone everything, but there comes a time when it's not fair to everyone. It would be wrong for me to say what I was truly thinking. So I have to stick to feelings, and generalizations.

I didn't realize it was this late, but I'm glad that it is.