Saying Good-bye/Depth in relationship
July 23, 3001 1:26 p.m.

I didn't get up that long ago, and I'm already ready to beat my father. He's driving me crazy! I can't wait for college. I just want out of here lately. Most of my going-to-be-senior friends are all sad and can't imagine leaving, or even saying good-bye to those of us that are leaving. In fact, I think that I was probably like that too last year at this time...but DAMN, I'm so ready. It's not all excitement of course, there's the element of change, as I mentioned last time, that scares me to DEATH, there's the fact that I don't know how to live in the city, there's the fact that I won't have anyone to take care of me, there's the fact that I won't have any money...but it's good. It's very very good for me. It's my chance. I get to leave! I get to go out into the world and have experiences that I would never get here.

So, today, Ryan and I are going somewhere. Portland, I guess. Granted, I have no money, and can't spend any...but hey...at least it's getting out, right? And Ryan and I talk. We don't just have these little shallow, I've-known-you-forever-and-we-have-nothing-to-talk-about chats. She recognizes that there's a lot there. She has a lot to talk about too, and even though she's not comfortable talking about it so much, she recognizes it, and I recognize it. I prefer relationships like that, I think. Linda and I don't talk like that. But what would we talk about? Eh. It's odd. It's almost as if the circumstances just don't present themselves with many of my friends. And they certainly don't present themselves with group get-togethers. Perhaps that's why I don't usually like group socializing...it's not deep. I'm not as much of a fun-loving person, as a deep connection, intimacy person. And with some of my friends, it's never deep. We never talk about our feelings, what's going on inside ourselves. It's a shame, because I know that we're all very beautiful people.

So, my fingernails are driving me insane, so I'm going to go deal with those now. Then I'm going to eat lunch, and head off on an adventure with Ryan.