Rain/watching/not much
August 13th 1:36 a.m.

oooh, I think that for today, this here is the closest I'm getting to happy. Well, actually, I should say, for yesterday. The sound of rain is nice. It's cliched, so I won't go on and on about it as if it is completely momentous that I can hear the rain through my open window, but it's nice. And it's causing a very cool breeze for the first time in a while.

I'm listening to Incubus, and thinking about my life, as usual. I'm talking to Kristen. And skimming a survey that Aaron sent me. I'm also now going to drop in Linda's name since the only way Linda will read this is if Linda sees her name in it. Doesn't she pretty much always come up though?

I'm tired. Why am I up? The neverending question that I pose to myself every night. It's like I don't want to miss a moment of awakeness. I don't want to put myself to bed yet, because I like being awake. What is sleep? Sleep gives me rest, but it wastes how much of my day? And how often do I remember anything that happens during it? yeah...so, that's my answer. I'll stick with that.

So, I was at Linda's. Everytime I leave there I think to myself how much it would mean to me to have someone watch me as I leave. I'd love for someone to stand in the doorway of their house, or maybe somewhere not so obvious, and watch me as I leave with a caring, and kindness and desire to just see me, and watch me when I didn't know they were watching. I always think that. I wonder if this stems from some sort of need for parental watchfulness. Maybe my parents never did that for me when I was growing up...who knows?

I was thinking when I started this that I had a lot to say...but I really don't. hmm.