Memory
August 17 11:29 p.m.

Wow. It's amazing how the same old things can make me feel so bad.

I need so badly for Noah to love me. It's hideous. Tonight I was in CLT for the first time in a while. I kept having these images in my head of running into him, crying, and needing him to just hold me. I NEEDED him to hold me. I need him to show me that it's all okay, that I didn't waste my time, that it was all him, and nothing I ever could have done. But if that's so, then why am I not even good enough to be his friend?

That's NOT how I'm supposed to be thinking! Right now I need someone to make me feel the way I should feel. I need someone to make me feel like I don't need him to love me, because they love me. I need SOMEONE to make it really obvious that they love me. Then I need them to take me in their arms and hold me, and make me feel like it's okay. That it's not my fault. That there's nothing I can do, that there's nothing I should do, because he's the one that's not good enough to be mine...I need to feel this...

But Linda's doing the survey.

I wanted her to be there...it seems as though when I am really counting on her to be there when I get home, she's not. She can't help it. Heck...she's probably got more going on than me. In fact I don't feel any anger or spite towards her at all, it's just making me more sad a needy.

*sigh*