Pissed
2001-08-21 3:06 p.m.

I'm mildly pissed.

I should have written this entry last night when I was officially very pissed, but I didn't want to. I was tired, and pissed.

Last night was okay. It was sad for me, as it needed to be, so that part didn't bother me.

But Linda irritated me. She spent the day with Nick. She thinks that Nick is perfect and wonderful, so it would make sense that she would want to spend the day with him. Fine, whatever, don't care. In fact, I don't even care that she wanted him to be at Denny's too. That's cool. They're friends, whatever. Then Linda decided that she wanted Chris there...ok, so call Chris. I didn't care. I think Chris is cool, despite the fact that Linda thinks I don't like him. But she doesn't remember Chris's number. But Chris only lives a couple minutes away, so sure, walk to his house and get him, I wouldn't have cared...EXCEPT that she thought it was an uncool thing to do. She knew that she was ditching me. It was okay, since Jenn and George were there too. But she knew what she was doing. She sat there, and wrapped her arms around my arm and begged me and told me she didn't want to piss me off. She spoke condescendingly and told me that I'd be okay, that I could just hang out with Jenn and George and that she's be right back. NOT the right way to go about it. To me that kind of sends an "I'm now going to walk all over you, beg and plead, make you think that I care, but not really give a damn what you think and do it anyway"-message. She could have just asked. Would that have been so hard? Nah, course not. Instead it starts with: "I'd walk to his house and get him, but that would be ditching Emily, and that's not cool" (NOT a direct quote at all) and then slowly progresses to "Emily, darling, you'll be okay, I don't want to piss you off, but I haven't seen Chris in SUCH a long time and I miss him and you can just talk to our other friends (whom I'm just going to treat like shit and ignore anyway) so I'll be right back, ok?" followed of course by me saying absolutely nothing, and her leaving anyway. But there's more...

Okay, so just after I get done talking about how I don't want my friends to analyze me, I get home and read Linda's most recent analysis of her relationships with friends. We've all been broken down into categories apparently. Interesting. Aren't I lucky?! I get to be a category! It's so nice to know that she knows more about my feelings towards her than I do...what a relief! Why can't it just be easier? Why does every fucking thing have to be analyzed? Can't we all just LIVE for once? That's what I'm working towards...I just want to LIVE. Life is a beautiful thing! People are wonderful! Friendship is Amazing! Love is miraculous! So...why do I have to be analyzed and categorized like that? I'm Emily. I love her. My friendship obviously comes with some expectations, but to have all of my intentions fully analyzed in a way that makes me seem like such a horrible burden to someone that I consider to be my BEST FRIEND is a little bit of a slap in the face.

Man...I guess now I'm just hoping that all of this doesn't sound like whining. I hope that I have a right to be bothered here. Let me know please. If you're reading this, then sign my guestbook and tell me, especially if it does sound childish and petty. Just say: "Emily, Shut up! You're being dumb!" I'll try not to cry too hard...