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Tuesday, Sept. 11, 2001 00:31

I just got done writing in my real journal for the first time in a long time. I didn’t want to go to bed, but there’s really nothing left to do online, and far too much left in my soul to share. I feel more emotional right now than I can remember ever feeling.

You know how some people say that they were smiling or laughing so hard that their face hurts? Well, I’d never experienced that, but after today, I was trying HARD not to smile, because my cheek muscles were literally too sore. It’s just been amazing. I spent some time in Floyd’s room today while Floyd talked to Maggie. This in itself was cool: the meeting of the two most wonderful people that I know. But Linda and Andrew were also there, along with Jen. Jen kicks ass too. She’s the type of person that can make anyone smile. And after an excellent experience with Linda that I definitely WON’T go into last night, it was good to be around her.

Then I went to Katie’s field hockey game. They lost, and Katie was sad because Tom didn’t show up…but it was a great experience for me. I love field hockey. And I love Katie, so it was really nice. We talked for a little bit, but then I had to hurry home, where I was greeted with a yummy dinner. The only unfortunate part was that I have this massive canker sore in my mouth that kills me when I eat…*sigh* I HATE them, and I get them all the time!

Anyway, after dinner, we went over to The Knippa’s house to borrow their car roof carrier thingy. That was cool. I like it out there. Just being out there makes me feel all nostalgic and good. Ruth is cool too. I am very impressed by her. She’s so strong and able. It’s a wonderful quality.

Then I got home and talked to people online. That was good, of course, because people are truly great lately. I just want to gather everyone up and hug them and kiss them and tell them how much I love them. The only twist tonight was Noah. Weird. And ironic! I hear the song “Dreams” on the way home from Ruth’s house and thought of him, as always. It was sort of our song, unofficially. So when I got home and he told me that he loves me and misses me and feels regretful that he screwed things up with me, it was ironic. I don’t believe him. I think he’s trying to mess with me (read: I am telling myself this over and over because it’s SO easy to believe him and play along in his game and let myself love him again). He doesn’t deserve me anymore.

This brings me to my next point. I feel wonderful. I feel like I am a great person, that I am beautiful and happy and that my life is very very valuable. And that my love, and my friendship is very very valuable.

After I wrote in my journal, I was reading some older entries. They had lots of song quotes in them, which made me instantly want to listen to the songs. Right now I’m playing “Les Miserables.” Beautiful!

I also watched a special on PBS about Maine teacher of the year. My 4th grade teacher was nominated and made it into the final 4 in the state. I was so happy, and soo proud of her. She was indeed a wonderful teacher. She may in fact still be my favorite teacher. Now, I know what you’re thinking, Floyd’s definitely not my favorite teacher. She’s one of my favorite people, but NOT my favorite teacher. Precal sucked…But she knows I think that. AND she’s taking me out to dinner this week! This excites me beyond belief. I’ve wanted to hang out with Floyd for SO long…and I was jealous that she played golf with Andy Barter…so she felt bad, and there you have it! I get to hang out with her! This, in cooperation with the fact that she and Maggie were talking about how wonderful and brilliant I am today makes me feel nearly untouchable. I have the respect and admiration of Floyd and Maggie! They will never have any idea how much this means to me. I need stuff like this so very much. Heck, even Noah’s empty professions and promises make me happy!

But it’s safe to say that today is beautiful. Today is full of so much promise, excitement and love. I want the world to always be like this. I want to crystallize it and put it into a little box to take out whenever anyone feels sad. My soul is full to the brim. And I love.