Good Morning
Thursday, Oct. 18, 2001 09:42

I woke up happier today than I usually ever do. I didn't feel tired really at all! I went to bed shortly after 11 last night, which, for me lately, is a miracle. Kristen's friend Jimmy was in our room. Damn, I love that kid. He's so fuckin hilarious. He wants to go to Harvard. He's actually dead set on it.

Anyway, so I got up at 7:30, like I usually do, and got dressed, brushed my hair, went to the bathroom, put the proper books into my backpack, and opened up the computer to check any messages I might have received, and/or mail, to change my away message....etc. Well, when I sign onto msn in the morning, and find 4 new messages, I become very happy. unfortunatly 3 of them were trash, BUT Floyd e-mailed me! That was enough to make my day good. She talked about Etheridge: "I knew you'd fall for her when you saw her in concert." :-) For some reason that just made me smile. Something about somebody recognizing my gay-ness, I guess. And FLOYD. It makes me feel less like a stupid high school girl experimenting with her best friend, and more like a seriously emotional, gay girl. Not as though I'm calling myself gay quite yet, but it seems that I am getting closer to that point every day. Heh, this kind of reminds me of Philosophy class. In that last sentence, I implied that it is something that I'm going to come to eventually. Therefore, why not just make the jump? Why not just get from point a to point b without all the stuff in between? I will answer that with the same answer I gave in class. Because although we may know WHAT point b is, we cannot understand what it is to be there. We cannot truly know it, or feel it yet. We must have patience and eventually, we hope, we will be there. I assume (the evil word) anyway...who knows...maybe I won't...

I'm listening to a wonderful song! "Say Goodbye" by Dave Matthews.

So, to repeat, I feel good today. I am kind of dreading Philosophy. I don't know...I just have a lot of trouble thinking like that. It's so much work. But then I have some free time, then an Astronomy quiz, that I HAVE to do well on....guess who's gonna be studying during lunch. Then a whole lotta free time. NUBiLaGA tonight...that'll be cool. It's about transgender. My initial reaction was not to go...but that means that I really need to go. Lauren is coming too! That makes me really really happy. I'm glad to have someone to go with, so I don't feel so scared and alone. I'm afraid that since I haven't been for a couple weeks, even the new people will know everyone else, and I'll just feel really...freshman-like, and left out and shtuff. Then we're gonna go to the espresso royale for chai. mmmm :-)

So, things are looking good. I've been talking to a couple of gay girls online too, and that makes me feel better about stuff...not so lonely.

I hope I get mail today...that would just make my day...