Please don't think I sound like a whiny girl
Monday, Dec. 03, 2001 12:28

I need to simplify. Everything is seeming really really complicated. ilch. So, I only have one more class. Then I have 3 finals. It's not going to be an exciting two weeks, but maybe that is good. Maybe this will be my chance to sit, relax, absorb as much knowledge as I can, and spend the rest of the time enjoying my city. Right now the trouble lies for me in the way in which I am expending myself. I think there are some things that I need to do for myself. But if I knew what, I'm sure it would be much easier to do so.

I've been saying since I got back from Thanksgiving that there is something wrong. I have not given any glimmer of what that might be though, except in my first entry from yesterday. And that was pretty vague.

These are simply not things I want to express. It's not as though I am not writing them in an effort to keep privacy. I don't really use that word in referring to anything about myself. I just don't, for perhaps the first time in my life, want to talk about it. I don't want to think about it. I don't want anybody to try to pry it out of me. I don't even really want to have interaction with anyone. I just want to be alone. And I am, for the first time, understanding what this feels like.

I think I am a communal person for the most part. I could never fathom why people always wanted to be alone, or why people didn't want to talk about everything that was going on in their lives. And now I see it.

We'll see how being with other people changes it. A lot of the time, when I feel a certain way, I come out of loneliness, and commune with people, and I feel better. Lunch is in about a half hour. Like I said, we'll see, I guess.

Other than that, I am feeling very anxious, very emotional, and very very sensitive. I'm not holding any grudges. I'm not mad at anyone, but be warned, say the wrong thing, and the response will NOT be good, especially if you've been an asshole in the past few days already.

Listening to "Dreaming of You." It was the prom song. It is Selena. She is dead. This is fucking sad...