Observations
Wednesday, Dec. 05, 2001 13:09

I have a headache. I think that is because I haven't eaten for 24 hours. I keep being really stupid. I eat lunch, forget about dinner, and then eat lots of candy in between to make up for it. So I'm getting very little healthy food at all.

Okay, here's the deal...I am really really unhappy. I feel like absolute crap. I am at the point where I don't know whether I want to be alone, or if I want to be with other people. When I'm alone, I feel alone. And sad, and pathetic. When I'm with people, I want to be alone. The main problem I'm having is that I don't know where my unhappiness is coming from. I don't know if I'm unhappy here, whether it's things at home that are making me unhappy, or whether I'm just hormonal. So, I guess when I go home, I'll have to see how things turn out.

Right now, I'm uninformed, and I feel a little abandoned. Lauren is sad lately. So it seems like she's looking for something from Kim even more than usual. So, when I'm around both of them, I feel COMPLETELY left out. They don't really pay attention to me. And it all makes sense. They're not close to me, so why should they come to me when they're having a bad day? Neither of them really have to get close to anyone else. Although I sort of wish they would.....I'm starving for some depth here. And right now, even some companionship would be nice...

Soo, let me know what you think of the layout. Nobody has signed my guestbook in a really long time. I'm not sure, but I think I might be done....Let me know if you have any final suggestions. Then I'll wait and see if anything sticks out for me in the next couple days, and, yeah....unfortunately It will have to change in less than a month anyway, due to Xmas being over, but I'll deal with that later.

I miss Amanda so much right now.

I feel like such an Asshole!!! She's been there for me for so long. She was my friend when I had very few other friends. She was there for me....she called me her best friend, and I never did. She called me when things got scary with David. She walked with me to school every day. And then I slowly allowed her to lose her grip, and I didn't really care. She just floated away. She had Stacy, of course, and Blake, and even Scott...but, I didn't care. I never did as much for her as she did for me. I miss her so much!

And Ryan, and Tiffany. All people that have given more to me than I've given to them. Why do I take this for granted? And why am I giving more to people that don't give as much to me? It's ridiculous. And I'm feeling quite guilty.

I guess it's interesting what you notice when you take a step back...