Poooor Solo 5300
Thursday, Dec. 27, 2001 19:11

I don't break down very often, emotionally. I am very very guarded. I feel like I need to have control of everything at all times. I can almost always stop myself from crying, and in fact, in most cases, I can't even muster a tear when there is somebody else in the room.

Tonight I ended up laying on my mom's breast sobbing. I now feel like a complete ass.

I am hoping that the reason I broke down was not the reason that is the most obvious. This being the fact that I arrived home from work this evening to discover that the screen on my laptop is broken. My laptop is the ONLY material object that I give a shit about at ALL. Break anything else, and I'm cool. But touch my computer, and I.....UGH.

This is the only expensive thing I own. Not only that, but I paid for it MYSELF. My work, my money, my attachment to it over the year.

...and when I put it down at about 1 am last night, it was FINE. I didn't touch it this morning, and at 6:15 or so, it was broken. I'm almost sure that it was stepped on. And I'm almost sure it was my Dad. He admitted to being in my room this morning, to opening my curtain. Well, in order for him to stand where he could open my curtain, the chances that he either kicked the computer, or stepped on the corner by accident are VERY VERY GOOD.

So, I got angry. He denied it, but when he tried to tell me where the computer was when he came in, he was WRONG. THEN he yelled at me for putting it on the floor. Well dude, it's MY ROOM! My room is fairly clean, so it's not like there is a lot of room for accidents. And obviously, I'm going to be careful with my stuff.

So...we're not going to be on good terms for a while, I don't think.

I have to bring it to gateway tommorrow. They will look at it, tell me how much it's going to cost me, and yeah...I'm not looking forward to it. I talked to them on the phone. My computer is covered by a warranty, but this is not likely to be covered. ALTHOUGH, since there's no external damage, there's really no way that they can prove that I hurt it in any way. Well actually, I'm sure there is, but if they want to be nice, maybe...

So yeah, there I was, crying on my mom's lap.

What is that about? I don't do that. And it is okay that I did. But I don't understand why. There has to be more to it. I'm NOT that big of a loser. It's an object, it can be fixed. Rationally, I'm fine. I'm a little frustrated that I won't have it back by the time I go back to school, and a little....okay, a LOT, pissed at my dad...but this is not something to freak out over.

Ugh.