The emotional high point of today
Tuesday, Jan. 01, 2002 21:21

La La La!!

I figured I'd update now, while I'm feeling good. Yikes, PMS is a bitch. I was depressed for a while, thinking that my life was a mess. I was breaking down, and screaming at myself for doing so when I have no reason to, on a night when I need to be sane. Then my parents came home from grocery shopping, and I immediatly put on a happy face. The happy face was shortly followed by a happy me inside.

I called Katie, and then went over there for a little bit, to give her her Christmas card and talk. It was very nice. We sat on her new couch, and she gushed about how happy she has been lately. Things at home are good. And I'm very glad. My parents are doing okay, my grandparents are good, my brother seems a little worn out, but living a happy little family-oriented life. I no longer feel guilty about being a burden to any of them, because I have seen their lives, and they're all okay with it. And they love me. And that is what is important in life, love and happiness.

Then I packed my stuff. I'm not a big fan of packing. In fact, when I got home, I was thinking of not unpacking, because if I didn't unpack, I wouldn't have to re-pack. Eh, it's okay though. The only problem is that I seem to have more than I came home with. Not sure why though...didn't get much for Christmas...eh, oh well.

THEN, I had to take care of some paperwork, guaranteeing housing for next year and such. And you know what? It made me glad. It made me glad to be doing it. I liked the fact that I was doing stuff for college, looking at the future at Northeastern. This is a good sign. I've really been looking for a sign lately: something to tell me that this is where I should be, where I want to be. I was getting to the point where I was thinking so much about every little thing in my life that I couldn't remember how I actually felt anymore. And now I think it's going to be okay. It's not going to be easy, but it is going to be okay.

Now that I know everything at home is good, that my life here is wonderful, and supportive and loving, I need to go and make my own life good. I can't just sit around feeling like crap the way I did for the last few weeks that I was at school. There is so much for me out there. I just need to go and find it, and make it mine. This is going to happen in SMALL steps. Very very small. But I am determined. I need happiness.

So tommorrow I am going back in the morning. I don't know how often I will be able to update in the next week or two, since I won't have my own computer, but we'll see, I suppose.

...and I kind of miss Kim and Lauren, so it will be good to see them tomorrow!