Mushy-ness and Happiness
Thursday, Mar. 14, 2002 08:51

I woke up early this morning. It was really no surprise, since whenever I have things that make me anxious, I find myself waking up early. But in this particular case, it worked out pretty well. I decided to come to the office and work for an hour before my final. Then, when I'm done with my final, I plan on coming back here and working another 2 hours, if there are 2 hours left, before I head to Ruggles to catch the commuter rail to South Station.

I'm all packed.

Last night I saw an amazing thing. A friend of mine showed me a collection of cards, notes, momentos, souvenirs that s/he had kept from his/her most recent relationship. It was just amazing stuff. Tons of little notes just to say "I Love you," risque, sexual stuff, corny stuff, stupid stuff that was saved just because it came from that special person. This is stuff that I would treasure above any other possession. This is stuff that is SO valuable that it deserves a golden box. What I wouldn't give to have stuff like that. It's amazing. And my most easily verbalized reaction was something like: "You were so happy!" And it kind of made me realize the value of a good relationship, and the difference between a good relationship and a relationship that is shit. And it made me realize what I deserve. I deserve a hell of a lot more than what I have settled for in the past. And now I can't wait for that. I cannot WAIT until I can have my little box of romance, all packed away. It's so sacred. There are things in there that I could not make myself read, simply because they are too sacred. This is amazing stuff. This is the stuff that makes life life and dream dream. Because after you're done dreaming, you don't have anything as wonderful as this to show for it. While my friend will forever have these things to remember just how amazing it was to experience such love.

I am a romantic. I am a lonely one at that. If that got a little disgusting, mushy, whatever, then...oops! But that's me. I live for the mush. Or at least the possibility that it may exist for me someday.

My neighbor is sitting outside the dorm. I can see her. She was smoking a cigarette, but now she is sitting with her luggage, waiting for a cab, I presume. I wonder if she's going home. Home for her is Turkey. Jeff's roommate is going home. Home for him is Singapore. And I'm going home. Home for me is MAINE. And in about 9 hours, I will be home. Less than that if you count entering Maine as home, then it's probably only 8.

I didn't ever hear from Maggie. I guess that makes the chances of me seeing her fall below realistic. I'm feeling a little let down by that. She said she was going to let me know at the beginning of this week. She didn't let me know. But I suppose that's her. And you can't fairly wish to change parts of people, and maintain the same person that you love so much. That wouldn't quite be fair. And I have the belief that if you WERE able to just pluck out those parts, then the person would be changed too much. They would no longer be them.

So, I am not sure what this spring break is going to bring me. I think there will be parts of it that will be incredibly painful. I think parts of it will be boring. I think parts of it will be too good to want to come back. But I think that in the end, it will all work out. Either way, I will get to hang out with people that love me. I will get to see my mom. I will get to see Floyd. I can't think of anything that I want more for my spring break than those things.

...and on a lighter note, I'm still tied for the lead in Survivor. I did NOT expect Hunter to get voted off last night, but fortunately, neither did anyone else.

I watched "The Graduate" with Lauren yesterday too. Good movie! It's so funny! That's the kind of comedy I can really appreciate. And then we took a midnight walk to Blockbuster. It was really nice out too, so that was cool.

No roomie last night either. Yesterday was a really really really good day. It is making me happy.

I AM HAPPY

Life is good.