I ended this before I was done....for a reason.
Saturday, Apr. 06, 2002 11:32

Ani Difranco is brilliant. She recited this poem she had written concerning 911. It was all about all of this political shit, and how fucked up the United States is. Some memorable quotes from the evening:

"George W. Bush is NOT President!!" *incredible cheering from the amazingly liberal crowd*

"Capitalism is the devil's wet dream"

"This is NOT a true democracy"

"...we're mindfucked at such a young age."

"We're taught that different is wrong."

Man, talk about an empowering thing! She also said some things about retribution and about going over to Afghanistan and Palestine. She phrased a lot of it as a toast. She expressed her feelings for the people that we're currently bombing the fuck out of. Man, it was so amazing. What I wouldn't give to get a copy of that poem. Eek! (some of those quotes aren't from that poem though...)

After the concert, I saw a flier for Melissa Etheridge. She hasn't announced all of her tour dates yet, so there is a CHANCE that she might come to Maine, but she's coming to the tweeter center on June 20th. Tickets are already on sale, but I don't have any money. I'm pissed off. Ick Ick! I want them so badly. But I just can't buy them. And by the time i get paid again, I'm sure they will be sold out. It makes me want to say "fuck" a lot. :-( :-( I called Tiff and left her two voice mails last night. And then I did something that I'm regretting. I emailed my mom and begged for money. UGH. It would be a loan. But man...that's shitty. I hate doing that. I shouldn't have. It's just a concert....

So...my conversations with Lauren tend to be in the realm of sex and relationships. She's got all this shit to be so excited about, while I sit here pretty lonely and unable to move. I'm screwed up. I've never been good enough or right enough for anyone that has been just about everything to me. I don't know what it is like to be adored. And even when someone does express some adoration for me, I brush it off, and tell myself that I know myself better than they know me. I tell myself that if only they met me in person and got to know me, they'd see otherwise. That's how it was with Kara. That's how it was with that guy...can't remember his name...the Starbucks guy. I am like this giant disappointment because I'm not pretty enough, or loose enough (not in that way), or cool enough, or male enough. So, how can I be expected to go out and find someone if I can't see myself as anything other than this blobby piece of shit that nobody fucking wants. Lauren kept telling me that I should meet Dan's friend. And I told her repeatedly that it wouldn't matter. It wouldn't fucking matter. And you know...I get so sick of hearing from my friends how wonderful I am. They tell me that I'm beautiful and wonderful. yah...so remind me again why you would never be with me. Explain to me why you've never had an interest.

That's not fair...it is different with friends. I recognize that. Scratch that.

I'm just really frustrated. Really lonely. And I feel like I am worth fucking nothing. Fucking nothing.

Oh, you can just shove it, Prince. Changing song now...

Ah, Rachael Sage is much better.

So today my busy weekend continues. I am going to a skate show with Lala this afternoon. That's going to be really cool I think. Cheap entertainment! There was talk of Rocky Horror tonight, but I don't know if I'd go anyway. I haven't had much "me" time lately. That is one good part of getting up a lot earlier than anyone else.