Saturday at Home
Saturday, May. 11, 2002 22:55

I am really tired, and I'm trying to ponder what I want to do. I am thinking about pushing myself. I'm thinking about emailing Linda with simply: "Call me if you're not going to bed." or something like that. I think if I did that, I'd go to bed with the phone, and let her wake me up when she gets home from Chad's. I'm also thinking that I want Tiff to call, since I need to catch up with her tomorrow at some point. She's got my stuff and I have hers.

...I HOPE anyway...

I really want to talk to Maggie about the way my day went. I want to tell her what a happy day I had with my family. Granted, it wasn't the way I would have had it, ideally, but it was still very very good. It made me feel pretty good about things. It made me feel good about who my family is, and about the way they are currently treating me.

So, then, I was hanging out, I re-watched Survivor with my mom (she had taped it), and then I watched Touched by an Angel. I decided that I wanted to go somewhere, to at least get some supplies to MAKE my mom somthing, if not to buy her something, and I thought that Serena would be the perfect person to go with, so I gave her a call, and when she called me back, we were off. Mmm, I love Serena. Mmmm :-) I didn't see her nipples though, damnit!

Amber is talking about imagining herself married to Turner. I can NOT imagine being with someone now that I could see myself married to. I live in the moment. I don't make long-term goals really. I have no IDEA what my life will look like in ten years, and I am definitely okay with that. Maybe it's because I've never been with anyone that made me think that seriously about wanting to be with them indefinitely, but jeesh, when people talk like this, my mind just goes on total disbelief and inability to understand mode. Hmmph. First Becca, then Amanda, now Amber. Weeeeird.

Tommorrow I'm going back to Boston. This is good, but now that I'm here, I kind of wish I had at least a little more time to be home. It's such a paradox. It's the bouncing back and forth. It's hard on me. It is really hard for me to accept where I am, where home is, and how temporary everything seems to be.

My throat is itchy sore. My nose is a liiittle sniffly. It almost feels like a new cold, but I'm going to doubt it, and hope that my negative thinking helps that out.

Tomorrow I'm gonna go to church with the parents, probably, unless I need to catch Tiff at that time.

And NOW, I'm going to go to bed, withOUT emailing Linda. I give into social situations much too easily. I haven't slept lately, that's something I need to do for myself right now. My mom was telling us today that she read about a study done on rats where they deprived the rats of sleep and it actually killed them after a while. Now they think that we could die without enough sleep. So, there! The best part of that particular conversation was my brother making jokes about it. I love it when he makes jokes. I laugh really hard. This time it was about how boring it would be to do that experiment...someone just sitting there poking rats to keep them awake. Haha.

Yeah, maybe it doesn't seem funny, but he really does make me laugh. I really do love him. I wish I had gotten up the guts to hug him today. But it's cool. We did talk a little. Small steps.