Getting more sleep might be good
Tuesday, May. 14, 2002 16:41

I just finished eating one of the best specimens of fruit that I have ever had. mmmm. It was a perfectly firm Golden Delicious apple which I took from the dining hall at lunch today. It was so hard that my gums hurt now, yet really ripe and sweet. Perfect. It takes a lot for me to say that fruit is good. I'm reeeally picky about fruit, and I tend to usually avoid it alot simply because there is little that tastes worse (in my opinion) than fruit that's too ripe, or sometimes even not ripe enough.

It is nice to be sitting here right now knowing that I don't have to be anywhere for the rest of the day. I've got some spanish homework to do tonight (of course, I should have done it last night...), but that looks like it for my evening. mmmmgood.

I'm really tired today, and not able to put up with a whole lot. I'm really glad that I didn't have Day's news today, because there is this girl that sits behind me that I want to STRANGLE. She's one of those really really dumb smart girls. And she clearly has yet to realize that she's in COLLEGE now. Eeek. She says really dumb things. She asks constant questions that would have been obvious to my 4-year-old niece. And she NEVER STOPS TALKING. Yeah, I want to beat her senseless. If I had had to deal with that today, it wouldn't have been pretty.

My partner for Psych wasn't in class today. Poop on her. And now I get to start researching again. Yipee. I should try to get some of that done today too, but um, I don't really want to. If I see people, I'll ask them. If I don't see people, then um, no.

I got a scholarship application from the college of arts and sciences. They are giving it to 3 freshman, so my chances are close to zero, but I guess I should probably try anyway. I wish I knew how many people applied for the other scholarships I tried for. I need money so much. I feel so poor. Ugh.

Today in that ridonculous co-op class I have to go to once a week, Snyder came in to talk to us about various degrees and what is needed for different clinical Psych jobs. It made me so fucking sick to my stomach. I felt really panicky. I don't want to think ahead right now. I have no idea what I want to do, and up until today, and that motherfucking presentation, I didn't care either. But looking at the list of degrees and the amount of schooling it would take to earn them made me sick. I couldnt' stop thinking about taking the easy way out, or about how much all of my education is going to end up costing me. It was really freaking me out. I felt like someone in a movie...the type of movie where one person in a relationship is trying to push the other into making a committment. I felt like that, kinda. I can't think about that right now. I'm having trouble thinking beyond next year, but everywhere I turn people are spewing their dreams, and plans, and adults are telling me what I need to be doing in order to ensure a good life for myself. It is making me want to scream. That's not where my mind is right now. My focus is currently more about finding myself a life and a love that make me happy. I am a kid, with very simple, emotionally-driven goals, and I don't like it when people like that make me feel like a baby, like an asshole. It really freaked me out. And today was certainly not a good day for it either.

I've been feeling really anxious, fidgety, antsy, blah blah blah all day. Whew. Katie and I talked about it. She told me to welcome to her world. And yeah, I'm really glad that it isn't like this every day. There's always that one thing that comes along to put everything into perspective.

But fear not, I'm not past the point of social interaction today. I am still enjoying the company of others. I haven't gone completely into angry mode. I am just running on a short fuse.