*sneeze*
Thursday, May. 16, 2002 11:03

Hahaha, I just heard a clip of "My Heart Will go On" on the radio. It's advertising for the kiss concert, which is sold out. But apparently, since "Iris" is playing, and that's the song of the day, I could now call and try to win tickets, if I wanted. Yeah, time to change the station.

mmm, much better now.

I ran out of tissues today and my nose is suffering. But then, I'm in work study right now anyway, so I guess a box of tissues in my room wouldn't help me anyway. Those of you who are really clever probably had already figured out that I was at work though. Where else would Kiss be on the radio, and yet leaving me with the power to change it? I would never subject myself to that. It was already on when I came into the office.

I'm hungry. Still? Or again? Hmm, again. Yes, that's right, because last night I managed to ruin some easy mac by putting waaay too much, and too many different kinds of cheese in it. That made me mildly nauseous. Who would have thought it was possible to over-cheese the easy mac?

Right now I'm porcrastinating. I promised myself that I'd do my spanish homework. hmmph. I will, maybe. I still have 2 hours here in the office. So...there's always still time.

Did I mention that I'm hungry? yes? Okay, well how about tired, and dirty? Mmm, didn't think so. I didn't give myself enough time to take a shower this morning. I certainly did NOT want to get out of bed. Ugh, sooo tired. But then I was sitting there in class this morning and someone smelled bad, and I didn't know if it was me, or the person next to me. But I don't smell it anymore, so I'm just going to hope that it was the person next to me.

Yes, fnx is definitely better. Although none of you from Maine BETTER be saying that. I heard there's been some shifting of allegiance from CYY to FNX. Well, here's what I have to say about that: thpppppp!

Tonight is Survivor night, yipeee! This is why I need to be getting my Spanish HW all done before my afternoon classes. Well, though, maybe I should do it at work tonight. I do work twice today. Uh oh. I just gave myself another reason to procrastinate. Yeah me.

I wish it was as good as last Thursday was. We saw "Treading Water" last Thursday. Yes, folks, I can't believe it either. That was a WHOLE week ago. Jeesh. But I liked the movie. And I, of course, liked my Survivor, and I liked hanging out with my homosexual harem (I was just looking for some good aliteration)

Whoa! I like this song so much! But I don't know who it is. If I think about it, I'll be able to figure out who it sounds like, but man, it's beauty is interfering with my ability to reason. It's so nice and slow, just the way I like 'em. They better anounce it....that's all I have to say about that.

I don't wanna go home :-( It's becoming more and more clear. I just wanna stay here now. What a massive change I have undergone this year. It's absolutely insane, you must agree. I don't wanna work. I don't wanna never see Jeff or Robin again :-( :-( :-( I don't wanna have to save money and pay for gas and share a shower with my parents. I don't wanna not have resnet (as much as I complain about it). I don't wanna have to drive in order to see anyone. I don't wanna have to fend for myself to get food. I don't want to feel like a lazy ass. I don't want to have to deal with all of the old emotions that get stirred up everytime I go home. I don't want to have to pack up all my shit, and move it out. I don't want my classes to end. I don't want to....I don't know. I just don't want to go home. Just when I'm getting to the point where THIS is feeling like home, I have to get bounced back into the land of nothingness. Don't get me wrong. I love Maine, but it was so hard for me to adjust, and now that I'm actually happier here than I am at home, why on earth would I want to go home?

I can give you some reasons, in case you didnt' come up with any: I love (and miss!) driving, I am BROKE and need to work badly, Maggie's going to be in Bethel, Various trips to songo, life at a slower pace, no schoolwork, the very fact that I don't have to live in that stinking room anymore, a break from the internet (although not really)...um, and of course, CYY.

They didn't say the name of the song yet. Maybe there's still hope though.

There are some things I am definitely avoiding saying. I don't want to make myself seem like a heartless bitch here. I'm really not. It's just that my heart is really just in a different place right now. And the parts of it that remain in the places that seem to be lacking from my heartfulness are smashed, and throbbing.

I know, I know, I'm not making sense. (FNX is talking about purple carrots) I would tell you to ask if you want to know, but I'm aware that nobody will ask. I'm not a private person. But, I am not good at telling people things unless they ask. If I'm having a bad day, it's got to be REALLY bad before I'll be forthcoming with the details. If asked what's wrong, I'm a great deal more likely to say. Linda would probably say this is a consequence of my estrogen, but I sometimes want people to pry things out of me. It's sometimes interesting to see what lengths people will go to.

I want someone to fight for me. I want to know what lengths my friends would go to to make sure I remain their friend. I haven't liked what I've seen so far.

Yuuup. Dooone.