Mush brain
Saturday, May. 25, 2002 14:39

I have a question, for the masses. Why is emo sad? This is, perhaps, the main reason why I do not understand what emo is. People say that it it emotional, that it comes from the word "emotional" even. But if that is the case, then why isn't it happy emotion? There are many many facets of emotion that deal with beauty and love and pleasure and sex and nostalgia and all kinds of things. But emo is just so sad, it seems. Or at least, if it's not, then it is sterotyped that way. Even the quiz I took on...wherever it was...was all about sadness, and how much you whine and complain. I just don't get it. I'm not down with the emo, I guess. Hmm. Maybe I will figure it all out eventually.

My digestive system hasn't been very fond of food the past couple days. It's not completely rejecting it. but it hasn't been feeling good at all. And any influx of emotion makes it worse. My stomach just had a sudden attack of shittiness. Bleh.

Oh boy, I've just been informed that I'm not worth being friends with. Well, isn't that dandy? Whatever.

I don't really have a lot going on in my life. I've been pretending that I'm in a midst of this big emotional turmoil, I think maybe to get out of having to deal with anything else, or to justify the fact that I've been doing some really awful things lately. And it's not that I've been lying to people, making up situations that would make it seem like I'm having a hard time, I have just been blowing everything up so that I can justify everything to myself.

So, I guess I don't really have an overwhelming amount to deal with. I'm just feeling really ambivalent about going home. I've been dreading having to go back to work, having to pack up all my shit and say good-bye to my friends for a couple months, and then somehow hop right back into the old life. Yeah, whatever. How do college students do this? going back and forth sucks. It really really sucks. I'm almost glad I go to a year-round school at this point. I'm also not sure how things are with more than one of my friends from home. And I'm missing some things both physical and emotional. Who knows?

I'm living though, day to day, without any massive stressful burdens, and I'm doing okay. So, I need to just shut up and calm myself.

"I wish I had a river I could skate away on. I wish I had a river so long, I would teach my feet to fly." -Travis

I am having trouble thinking, recalling, remembering. I don't know why, but it is really bothering me. I can't hold a conversation about an important issue right now because I honestly can't remember enough, or come up with enough valuable things to say to make it worthwhile. So I'm just sort of throwing it away, I guess. I'm sure I'll regret it later, but as it has been for the past few days, I don't really have any concept of what I'm doing.

Am I making sense? Well, I know the emo thing made sense, so sign my guestbook and answer my question, if you have one.