I feel lonely
Sunday, Jun. 09, 2002 17:26

There are far too many things going on right now that just aren't quite right.

I feel like things inside my head aren't going well. It feels bad, sad, frustrating. I (thankfully) got an email from Maggie today. But it didn't do anything. Nothing is cheering me up because I'm stuck in the shadow of someone or something. I can't be happy until that something moves out of the way giving me a better view of the sun.

The ironic thing is that the sun is in my eyes right now.

I have to work 8 hours tomorrow. I feel like I am going to die. My lady friends are on their way to project grad now, so I won't see them today or tomorrow.

Graduation was pretty good. It wasn't too boring, and that was a big relief.

I want to hang out with Katie. I hope she has time for me soon.

I hope I have time for ANYONE.

TJ Maxx is practically mothering me. Jeez. Leave me alone, for goodness sake.

I'm really worried that things are going to be really bad this summer. It seems like everything would have worked out better if I had just stayed in Boston.

I heart Serena! :-) I just thought of her for a minute and how she ran to me this afternoon to hug me. She's amazing.

I wish I wish I wish I wish....and I need to stop wishing, and stop whining, and stop internalizing, and stop taking everything so personally, and stop idealizing and stop letting my happiness be affected by the little pieces of shit that always seem to get to me.

Someone please hug me. Then sit here in my room with me and keep hugging me until we both get uncomfortable and have to shift positions. And don't talk to me, and don't make me talk to you. Just hug me and listen to music with me, and play with my hair, and kiss my face. Lay on my bed with me. Find something really thoughtful, personal...something you spent a lot of time on, and give it to me. Give me the cheapest gift you can find and watch as it makes me ache because I love you so much at that exact moment.

Spend a little time on me, and I'll be okay.

I hate that I need that, but I do. I need the attention. The only people I've spent time with...the only people that have been able to spend any of their precious time with me...have been Tiffany and my mom.

I wish that didn't bother me. You're all really busy people. This was a stressful week. I don't blame you. Please don't think I blame you. But I miss you so much sometimes....I miss being where you are. When I'm at school, I'm okay, because I am in my place, my new element. But what am I supposed to do now, here?

I hate working.

I need to take a shower.