What I needed
Tuesday, Aug. 20, 2002 10:26

There were a few really good things that happened yesterday in the midst of all the crap. The first thing being that I saw Laura Carrell at TJ Maxx. That was awesome. I was on my break so I talked to her for a little while about school and stuff. It's really strange to have seen someone every day for 12 years at school and to even have hung out with them a few times, and to all of a sudden never see them, except to run into them at TJ Maxx randomly. I really like Laura, even if she did pretty obnoxious in high school. How can you not like someone that you put on a play with in fifth grade?

Then, after a day of complete sarcastic shit from Raelynn (my boss), she told us a story that totally lightened everything up. She was talking about her 18th birthday where she got drunk and wanted to have sex with her boyfriend. They didn't have any condoms, so they used a ziploc baggy. Renee (co-worker) and I were laughing so hard. We couldn't stop. It was great. It put a good spin on the evening, and it was something none of us ever expected to hear from her. Then Renee found a plastic sealable bag that was long and thing, the perfect shape, and gave it to her. Raelynn said "I don't need those anymore," obviously in reference to the fact that she's a lesbian. But then I felt all smug because Renee didn't get it. She said "Oh, you've got the real things now, huh?" and wandered away. I feel like I'm in on this big secret while that's not really it at all. I'm just observant. Renee figured it out too. She mentioned it to me, with a disgusted look on her face one day. Maybe she had just forgotten. I don't know. Anyway. Renee is homophobic anyway. One day she said "You know you want to hug me." and I said "Sorry, you're not my type." Her response was "well, I'd hope not!" haha, yeah, if she only knew.

ANYWAY, then when I got home, there were FIVE messages on the machine for me, from the same person. This amused me greatly. I listened to them, and then called back. We talked for a while, it was kinda fun. It lifted my spirits.

Then I called Lala and talked to her for a few minutes. wow! hehe! That's all I'm gonna say.

I think that was it. Now I'll explain briefly why I needed those little happy things yesterday. I have today off, and tommorrow off, and I'm so sick of being alone. And a lot of the time, even when I'm not alone, I feel like I'm alone. I'm missing something really important in my life...a connection that I can't seem to get. I just feel very cut off. I feel like my life is dull, feelingless, meaningless. It just stinks. It's all part of this stupid routine. I can't wait to go back to school. Less than a month now! I really miss everything. It's going to be fabulous.

And I miss my mom, now that I'm house-sitting. She was home alone last night when I stopped by, and I wanted to stay with her! But I couldn't. *sigh*

Anyway...bye-bye.