Hyper Tweak Mode
Sunday, Aug. 25, 2002 22:09

I'm in hyper tweak mode. I thought I didn't know what to do before...well, now things have just gotten monumentally worse, and for no particular reason.

I went looking for citrus altoids after work tonight. I didn't find them. That was mildly annoying. And I went to visit Tiffany, and talked to her for a bit. Mandy was there too. Not much more to be said about that. I was feeling like crap (what else is new? Jeez). Went home. There was a note on the door saying that my parents were in South Paris, seeing my family in their most recent theatrical production. It really bothers me when I miss family stuff. I wasn't pleased.

And when I walked through the door, and knew that I was home and completely alone, I flipped out. I kicked both of my shoes off hard so that they slammed into the wall. Then I threw my keys up the stairs as hard as I could, followed by my bag. I went downstairs, and used the bathroom, sneezing for a few minutes before turning my computer on and going online. Nothing. So, I put up an away message and went upstairs to eat.

My parents came home a little while later. I came back down. Linda had emailed me. Woah, emotional overload. So I wrote exactly two short sentences back to her and disappeared again.

I watched "summer catch." Trying to take my mind off it. Would have been fine except that my allergies have been acting up wicked today and I feel like clawing my eyes out. So I went upstairs to take som benadryl. I thought I'd try to talk to my dad, and get him to take me to BJ's this week to buy food for the apartment. He told me no, that there's not enough room in the van. That I can't bring anymore stuff.

I came downstairs and told my mom what he had said. She told me that he was being ridiculous, and that he's in a bad mood. I came into my room and started to cry, and then started to write.

And now I don't know what I'm going to do. I feel like I need to find some way to escape all of this craziness. I feel like I need to cry and let it all out, but I can't. I've been trying and I can't. I don't have anyone to talk to (yeah, I know that's not true) and whatever is happening isn't working or...making sense.

I feel like I'm self-destructing and there's nothing I can do to stop myself from slamming head-first into a wall.

And lucky me. Tomorrow is my day off. So I don't even have 8 hours of retail to make me forget whatever it is that I can't even decipher.

I hate entries like these too. No notifylist email this time.