Let's hope my LJ friends don't read this....
Thursday, Sept. 05, 2002 01:32

I was just asked to not mention NU in my livejournal, because the mention of the school is upsetting someone that may not be able to go back in the fall. I'm sort of screaming inside, so I've retreated to this, my very own world, where I show up on my own page, and I don't share with anyone. Granted, I do have my own page on livejournal, but most people that read on a regular basis read on their friends pages, and it is there that I am not all alone, with my feelings being my own.

So, here, in my own world, I'm going to talk about NU. I can't wait to go back. I really really can't. I talked to Lauren tonight and it was just crazy. I can't sleep because I'm thinking about so many different things, the biggest of them being going back to school, and the apartment, and move-in day, and everything all at once. It's going to be such a wonderful change, ending this summer of boredom and loneliness. Such a nice change.

I got a promotion today. All summer I've been doing the job of a head cashier, because they've been short-handed. This is a job that's a lot more stressful than the one I"m getting paid for, and entails a lot more. I've been under more pressure than I expected to be when I came back to TJ maxx for the summer, and I've dealt pretty well with it, considering. However, I haven't been getting paid what a head cashier is supposed to be paid, nor do I have the supervisory power that a Head cashier does. Well, Raelynn mentioned something the other day about how they should have made me a head cash. My reaction was a tactful version of "well, duh." I mentioned the money, and how I've been doing the job, and she expressed a little sympathy in her typical Raelynn sort of way. And then today, when I got to work, she took me aside. She told me that she had talked with Lynn and Joe, and that they decided that when I get back home, for Christmas, i will be a head cashier. The official title is "Front line Supervisor." And, in that, I will get a dollar raise in pay. Well hmph. Couldn't I have gotten that dollar all summer? Jeez, sometimes they really don't think, do they? It would have been better for everyone really. Arg.

Anyway. So I heart NU. I heart West village (even if I haven't actually been inside). I heart Lala and Kiki. And I want to go baaaaack. And...AND...if someone doesn't want to hear me talk about this, then they should just not read. Because this is what is going on in my head, in my life. And what the heck is my diary (and journal) for, if not to talk about what's in my head (and heart)?

Sometimes I'm really floored by what selfish people will do when they are feeling emotionally bruised. I wish that they could understand that my writings have nothing to do with them. I'm not flaunting anything. I'm not trying to hurt them. I am, for once, taking advantage of the only space I have where I can express myself and be narcissistic and self-absorbed, and doing that. And MY online journal is NOT about you. It's one thing if I'm mentioning a person specifically and slandering them. I can understand hard feelings like that. But, no. This isn't cool.

So why am I respecting her feelings? Because she's hurt. And because she doesn't need one more thing to get hurt and angry about. And because I couldn't be selfish if my life depended on it.

*sigh*