Attention doesn't stay
Wednesday, Nov. 13, 2002 11:21

Today is an INCREDIBLY emotional day.

My base mood is a good one. And I feel so high, and so incredible, that it almost lends myself to instability. It's like if I have this crazyextreme, then it's much easier to get to the other extreme.

I hate how things wear off. Certain things anyway. If emotions didn't wear off, we would be miserable for the rest of our lives. One little wound would absolutely kill us. A lot more people would commit suicide. There'd be little hope for the world as a while. The fact that time heals has been the saving grace for just about every person I have ever met, including myself.

But why must this property apply to all emotions? Couldn't there be a special clause that allowed us to remain giddy and in love and excited and affectionate towards the same person for longer periods of time?

But then, I suppose, what would it mean?

I just hate how things come in phases. People go through phases. And sometimes they completely love me and they talk about me, and they leave me messages, and it's all good. And sometimes when you first meet someone, you just can't stop thinking about them for a while. But that will inevitably go away.

I really want attention. I want it so badly I can taste it. I'm sick of being forgotten. I like it when I come back to my computer and there are messages telling me how much I'm loved and missed. And I like it when people actually take the time to read what I write and comment on it. And I like it when people tell me that they miss me. I like being mentioned in people's livejournals. I like it when I'm away or busy for a long time and people tell me that they miss me and beg me to come back.

And sometimes, I get people, and I get this attention, but then...inevitably, it ends, and nobody mentions me anymore, and they stop leaving me messages.

People prefer the new and different, the exciting, the interesting, the attractive. I'd prefer to be loved all the time.

I don't know what I'm really saying. I just wish that more people loved me, and showed that they did.

I'm a whiny little bitch sometimes.

I don't know what today is. But it appears to be quite gloomy and sad, around here at least.

I don't want to do anything. I feel my insides rebelling whenever I think about what I have to do today.

hrm.