approaching contentedness following hellishness
Sunday, Nov. 17, 2002 12:07

I'm feeling fairly content at this particular moment. There are no gaping holes in my life....well, besides the gaping holes that have always been there. I always get this feeling of calm when I've finished something, a paper in this case. It's so nice to know that I'm not a total fuck-up. But you'd think that I should probably do more of my work, if it makes me feel good, and yet, I don't. Hrmph. I really feel about this quarter as a whole. Let's review...

*I'm living in this nice apartment where I can cook whatever food I want whenever I want. And I do. Way too much. I rarely leave. I eat tons of junk. I waste tons of money. And...I'm altogether worthless.

*I haven't been doing ANY of the work I am supposed to be doing, and therefore my QPA will undoubtedly be suffering when grades come out.

*I've been caught in the middle of this horrible domestic war, and yet been unable to do anything about it.

*I've been bad about keeping in touch with people.

*I've been messy

*I've spent SO much money, mostly on things that aren't worth it.

In general, I just feel like I need to get myself together next quarter. I feel like I didn't do a very good job at living during this past quarter. It flew by, and it was utterly meaningless. I want to feel something, be something, do something, and stop being just a lump in this bed with my computer on my lap.

Today, however, is better. The past couple weekends have been nice, and the next two are going to be even nicer. I finished a paper, and it's time to start studying for finals (I WILL kick ass). Today I have chorus all day. I'm trying hard to be optimistic about that, because it's going to be one looong day. And new friends. I seem to have new friends, or will in the near future. Now I'm just going to hope that nothing ruins my mood, as it has tended to lately. I've been so cranky. Thank goodness for my upcoming vacation! :-) weeeee!