Beautiful Things
Thursday, Nov. 21, 2002 21:45

Can I just say "wow?"

Right now I'm listening to Ani. Tomorrow at this time I'll be seeing her.

Right now I'm pining away (happily) for a couple of people. It's kinda odd. I don't often allow myself to have crushes. Right now I have about 3. One is purely online. One is probably pretty obvious.... it began online, and is slowly evolving. That's the one that scares me the most because I know what it feels like for me but I don't know what conclusions I can safely draw. And I don't want to deal with being disappointed. The third is definitely off limits. I'm not even going to say any more than that. I don't want to glorify it with an explanation. But... it's an odd situation. Being that I have the self esteem issues from hell... wait no, definitely an overstatement. But either way... I have issues. And therefor I get anxious and nervous and I have really strong doubts about things happening. And this is bad... because what happens if I'm missing an opportunity here? What if all this would take is just a bit more confidence from me?

Oh well. I'm happy right now. You can all laugh at me when I'm nursing my poor bruised heart.

In other news, TWO people said they're going to write differently (or more) in livejournal for me. Whoaaa. People just don't do things because of me. I'm the (somewhat) invisible that doesn't demand anything of anyone.

I just want to love everyone and have them love me too! Why do I need anything more than that?

Wow. I feel really loveable right now. Love me? Please?

I love it when people open up to me. I do. I wish it happened more. Well. It does happen... but I wish it happened for the first time more often. It's like this huge sense of satisfaction when someone tells you something somewhat personal for the first time.... especially when you've been wishing they'd open up for a long time. It's not like I'm this nosey bastard or something.... I don't want to know for personal gain. I just like connecting with people, getting to know people.

I was telling Vanessa on our little date that I wish people would say what they were thinking more. I want to know what people are thinking and feeling. That's SOO important! What you see of me in class, walking down the street, even living with me is nothing compared to what you see if you listen to what I have to say. I'm very willing to open up (obviously), but sometimes people don't want to listen.

Let me just say that if I get sick, I will tweak out.

...do other people use that phrase? People here think it's weird. let me know.

Nobody every signs my guestbook. That makes me wicked sad. So sign, ok?

So, yep. I'm happy. Happier than I think I've been in a really long time. Beautiful things are happening... so much... so many beautiful things. Wow.