My daddy and me
Thursday, Dec. 12, 2002 12:30

I'm not going to write about what is first and foremost on my mind right now. I don't feel like it would be fair, and I don't want to say something I'd regret. Sometimes I find it is better to not broadcase everything for the internet to read. Sometimes.

But I will talk about being home. This morning I was sick. I have simply not been living healthily lately. I haven't slept well in about a week. I haven't been eating very well, or very often. And I've been letting myself be overcome by stupid little stressors that don't make any sense. Today... I was dreaming. I was doing this problem-solving thing. I was awake though. I just couldn't dispel it from my mind. There were all these colors that had to be arranged, and I couldn't do it. And I kept trying. And it just stressed me out. I got nervous, and I couldn't handle it. And then, I got up, and I didn't even time to flinch... I got sick.

This was at 7:30 am. I had gone to bed at 3, and woken up once already at 5:30. At 7:30, I was up permanently. I called Kim. She asked me to call if I couldn't sleep... to call when I woke up. I called her because I wanted to, very much. We talked for a while. And my parents got up, and my mom left. My phone cut out randomly at one point, and I went upstairs, where my dad was. And we started talking. I called Kim back to let her know what happened. And I told her I needed to go for a little while.

And I hung out with my dad. We talked. I asked him questions about his life, his happiness, why he does things, how he feels about things. He didn't ask about me. I didn't talk about me, other than my grades. But it was a good first step. And we've been getting along today. Later we went to visit my grandparents, who now want to take me out for dinner. I'm not sure how I feel about that. But it's good to be with the family from time to time.

So I'm feeling really good about things here at the moment. I have to start working tomorrow, and I'm a little nervous about that. But I think it will be good. I miss my TJ Maxx managers.

My stomach is making really strange sounds. I don't know... maybe I'll have some lunch. I just haven't been getting hungry lately. Maybe I'll take a nap too. I should start learning to take care of myself.