Going back
Sunday, Feb. 02, 2003 11:34

Lately I've been reading old stuff. I have been going back into diaryland and livejournal and reading my old thoughts, and other people's old thoughts. It's pretty interesting to re-read things that I was experiencing when I was in a different state of mind. And for that reason, I tend to keep things, even things that don't really matter to me.

Yesterday I was sort of cleaning out my documents on my computer, and I realized that I still have folders for Linda and Noah on here. I didn't think much about it at the time, but I just went back and opened them up. And it's crazy shit. It makes me chuckle to remember the way I was. I am a wicked nostalgic person. And it's just the nostalgia in itself that I enjoy. I just like remembering things, deconstructing how I got to the point that I'm at now. And it's so good to know that I'm not in that same place. I don't miss things, usually, unless I'm in a bad state of mind. Normally I just remember, and feel, and things start to make more sense as I realize the difference between where I was then and where I am now.

I used to make private journal entries on my computer a lot. When I didn't feel like writing with a pen, and I didn't feel like posting my thoughts for all the world to read, I'd just write on my computer. And those are sometimes fun to read. But sometimes they are so hopeless... man.

I've been calling myself a fuck a lot lately. I keep doing wicked stupid things. And at first it was really bothersome to me, because I'm the perfect one that must be in completely control of everything. But now I'm kinda learning to accept it. Because I am loved... and not because I'm perfect. Because I'm really not perfect at all.

Anyway... I just wanted to share that. I'm gonna go back to reading now...