Good days are defined by moments of spasticity
Thursday, May. 22, 2003 00:38

There are days when I feel too good to be online. The internet brings me down when I'm enjoying the world. Today I'm enjoying the world. I'm not sure how it started, but I was done with school for the day at 230, and then things became good.

Today was a curl-up-and-read type of day. I wished I was at camp... but not in a longing way. I was pretty content. I made a list of reasons why...

But I think it really comes down to more than I could really list. It comes down to the release of building stress. Sometime between yesterday and today, it all let go. Somehow I became okay. Until I got to the point where I was sitting on the couch in my comfy new sweatpants (not thinking about how I paid for them) looking at Lauren's eyes. And thinking about how mine must look to her. The blue, the brown. The way that they are, just these structures, these cells, that are so pretty.... it was just a moment of enjoying being human.

A fairly amazing moment considering for a week I've been talking about how much I hate the world.

I guess it all comes back around eventually, if not permanently. This is the me that I once was, all the time, before things started happening in my life, throwing me curve balls, making me better. Waay back then before I was growing. Before I was trying to be mature.

I think there was more that I wanted to say here... but all that matters is that I'm feeling very appreciative and happy today. And I'm hoping that will translate to being able to sleep better than I have lately. Either way, it's time to investigate that.