My life is beautiful.
Lauren spent the morning cutting and pasting apartment ads into an IM window for me, while we thought about her coming to visit this weekend. She'd be coming to stay with me and Angie in JP (god knows I never go home anymore), maybe looking at some places, mostly getting excited about the prospects, the ideas, the knowledge that in a few months, we will be living together again.
Angie adores Lauren. There is nothing not to adore about Angie (after all, who doesn't love a baby girraffe?).
And all of this will be coming on the heals of Tiffany's 21st birthday party. Thursday night. Tiffany. Aaron. The latter of the two bringing a mix of anxiety and warmth to my body. Aaron. Part of me carries a deep warmth for him. For his huge hugs, and his cute mannerisms, for his sarcasm and devotion to the red sox. Part of me carries anxiety knowing that things have changed and he doesn't see me the way he used to. That I don't see him the way I used to. Change. Life.
Then perhaps lunch with Noah on Friday. How delightful to feel a sharp pain, to act on a whim, to dial the number of someone for whom you have mixed feelings, and to reach the warmth that you thought had all but gone out of your loved one's voice. Oh. Noah. So much love. So much adoration. So much caring.
The end of the week. Tiff (and Aaron), Noah, Lauren.
Always Angie. Always the arms in which I sleep every night. The arms in which I linger far too long each morning. The arms which reach for me in the afternoon at Ruggles.
Oh...
It is too much for me to say. All of this love. All of this amazing beauty.
Hugging my mother.
Maine.
My freedom... freedom in myself, and in the eyes, heart, mind, skin of my lover...
Today I learned something about someone. Something that I have known for a long time. Something that, for the first time, caused me to look into eyes (guarded by glasses) and see something so broken and awkward, that I had to look away. Something that stole my energy and left me listless and disappointed. Something that left me irritated, disgusted... but no longer quietly resentful.
*shrug*
oh well.
My life is beautiful.
15:14 - Tuesday, Oct. 21, 2003
Recent entries:
- - Monday, Dec. 31, 2007
The Moments to Live For - Saturday, Dec. 15, 2007
message of Christmas Peace - Friday, Dec. 07, 2007
just a bunch of breast tissue - Wednesday, Dec. 05, 2007
a poetry reading - Friday, Nov. 30, 2007
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