Look at me
<-----
I'm sure I look better than I think I do
I have pretty blue eyes
thick, shiny hair
small nose
25 pounds lighter now
nice lips (if you don't mind -- as I do -- that they are really my mother's)
I hear my mistakes falling all around me
crash, bang, cling
ungrateful
overeater
intolerant
impatient
controlling
lazy about my appearance
not accepting or loving enough
defensive
self-righteous
uninformed uneducated unobservant lacking knowledge
clatter
I wonder what people from my past think
wondering why they've drifted off
why I'm not quite so important now
(why I'm not the center of the universe?)
why it matters
hormonal laziness
feeling tired
not enough time
anxiety over solo singing
reauditioning
pronouncing German love songs at high speed
feeling wallowy
NOT trying to pass this off as poetry-- or even artistic
Disgusted at pretentious fucking people.
And yet still wanting to be 'as good' as them.
I just want to swear a lot
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
!
send me an email. or write in my guestbook--look how empty it is lately! one sentence: something I once did that was worth something to you.
Why did he IM me? It haunts me.
Why didn't she respond?
Obsessed, today, with other people's lives. Details, goings on, love, thoughts, ideas, successes, failures. Tell me something.
15:45 - Friday, Apr. 13, 2007
Recent entries:
- - Monday, Dec. 31, 2007
The Moments to Live For - Saturday, Dec. 15, 2007
message of Christmas Peace - Friday, Dec. 07, 2007
just a bunch of breast tissue - Wednesday, Dec. 05, 2007
a poetry reading - Friday, Nov. 30, 2007
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