It started with envy, turned into a way of amusing myself, and has now become an obsessively curious urge. You see, I have found myself developing a crush on a stranger. I know only a few things about her: where she lives, that she has a dog, that she works near me, and that she drives a hybrid car with a Texas license plate and an anti-war bumper sticker.
It began when, one day after work, I stood behind her in line to get on the bus that brings us both home. I noticed her hair. It is long, and streaky blonde. She was wearing it in a ponytail, and it had that full-bodied look like it had just been tied back and was resisting its new shape (I love that just-put-up look that new ponytails have). Envy.
At some point, a few weeks ago, I realized that (if I pay attention) I see her nearly every morning. Either I walk past her building (a building wherein I once looked at an apartment) while she's letting her dog out, I see her waiting for the bus to Forest Hills, or we are on the same orange line train and get off at the same stop. Sometimes it's a combination. And then sometimes I also see her on my way home, or on weekends. She is always well-dressed and her hair always looks like it's just been tied back.
So now I watch her, and I wonder about her. She seems so solitary. She's quite beautiful in an unconventional way, and I wish I were the outgoing type to strike up a benign conversation some morning as our paths crossed. I wonder what I'd find. I wonder what her name is.
I suspect that all this is really just a way to entertain myself while indulging my tendency to be curious and easily fascinated by trying to figure things out. I suspect that if I actually spoke to her, my interest would probably fizzle out very quickly. This secret in-my-head-only relationship is actually quite satisfying. As is the comfort in the parallel-ness of our lives, and the knowledge that she will be there most days, just going about her business.
12:10 - Monday, May. 07, 2007
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